


Floating

by HellaSupercorpTrash



Series: God!Lena AU [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, God!Lena AU, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Please Don't Hate Me, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 23:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14658585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellaSupercorpTrash/pseuds/HellaSupercorpTrash
Summary: (Maybe Lena – the human woman – was still there. Somewhere far away. Light-years away. Trying to come back home. Trying to come back to her family. Back to Kara.)





	Floating

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder: english is not my native language  
> Follow me on Tumblr: hellasupercorptrash

This is torture, isn’t it? Seeing her there. Everyday saving people by your side. With that cutting glass jaw and gracious walking. That voice and that accent. Gentle and careful with everybody. Powerful, god-like mindfulness. She was what people were waiting for. It’s complicated and painful. Kara knew it all since the moment she realised that she had loved Lena the whole time.

_She was too slow to see._

Maybe that’s the torture. Knowing you could have it all. Now she’s an ex. Ex-almost. Ex-what if. Ex-what we could be? We could be anything, we could have been happy.

That’s the torture.

That’s cruel and there’s no cure for the pain burning bow. Burning deep and unstoppable. The pain of loss. Sometimes, she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think clearly, the veil of pain and self-hate.

_Why too late, too slow and too blind?_

Now, what could she do? Wait for it to get easier. Wait for the things to get less overwhelming. So she wouldn’t cry to sleep and need all the comfort that Alex could give her.

Because she was too late

 

* * *

The colour of the universe is cold.

The loneliness of the outer space is torture.

Kilometres away from home, floating beyond reach.

Her body was beyond reach even if it was only six feet under. Cold and dead. But this is about her spirit, her soul. She couldn’t remember her last life, human life. But she could remember the cold if she closed her eyes. It was getting harder.

Harder than the look on people’s eyes.

The sadness masked behind anything, she could feel they were grieving. Because yeah, there was the body, the face, the voice, but she wasn’t their friend. The human hero. And this presence wasn’t much more than like a statue.

The statue, she liked that statue. The tribute to a fallen hero. And something carved in metal seemed more human than her. And it hurts.

She looked to her hand, the suit dark like vantablack. Solid and dark, comfortable. A reminder she’s not human. She’s a goddess, her powers make her it. She’s stronger than Supergirl, she's immortal and nothing that didn’t belong to the four dimensions could hurt her.

And it was hurting. She didn’t like it. She hated it. The feeling isn’t okay. She wasn’t supposed to feel anything because it was easier this way. She couldn’t save everyone and all this stuff, not feeling help, but… she could feel now. Not intense like a human, it’s part of simple physiology, her brain had changed when she came back to life as a new being. But still. A little pain, poking the back of her mind like it was saying I’m still here.

(Maybe Lena, the human woman, was still there. Somewhere far away. Light-years away. Trying to come back home. Trying to come back to her family. Back to Kara.)

* * *

 

“Did it hurt?” Kara asked one day. 

“What?” 

“Dying. Did dying hurt?” 

“I don’t remember. There aren't a lot of memories from before.” 

“Good.” 

“You seem disappointed.” 

“I’m curious. 'U know, I'm hard to kill."

“The girl of steel, I’m aware of it. You got close to dying.” 

“And was painful.” 

“Blame the kryptonite, not the imminent death.” 

“I’m not blaming anything.” 

“Are you curious for real? Is it about death itself or how your friend felt?” 

(Your friend, distancing herself so she didn’t have to think something was wrong on her mind.) 

The silence was heavy for a moment. Pain burned through Kara’s body. She would never get used to it. To the fact that the woman floating centimetres from the ground is not her friend. It’s just a body. Reminding her she wasn’t enough, too slow to save Lena (too oblivious to realise the love). 

“That’s not your business.” 

“You asked about dying, I just want to know why.” 

“Still not your business.” 

“Okay, sorry.” 

* * *

 

Worshipping. People were worshipping her. After the other earth invasion, they saw her identity. Nobody had a clear answer: why Lena now was this being? But her face, with the dark suit, bright eyes, were everywhere. With the picture of her caring a bloody Supergirl. She saved people, now she saved the city’s personal superhero. 

Some were calling her goddess. Saviour. What humanity was waiting and needing, somewhat God’s Daughter (how long would take to them to kill her? Or she was crucified after all?). The one who could make a world better, and was making, slow and with small steps. Solving a problem by problem. Saving person by person. 

 _She’s better than all of you_ a person screamed once, to people that still hating the last good Luthor (and now, the Luthor who came back to life), _better than all of us. She had always been._

There were more people worshipping than hating her and that was a plot twist that nobody saw coming. The first time that there was a manifestation of it was on the next day of the invasion. It spread faster the news of her saving Supergirl than any other recent news (faster even than _the last Luthor standing dies_ headline). 

Avid haters pointed to the fact she used a kryptonite sword to kill Reign, what could guarantee she wouldn’t use this same sword to kill Supergirl? Others pointed that _you do what you have to do_. If you need a sickling green blade, then, they use it. 

Killing can be necessary when you have none other suitable option, she had none. (Maybe she had. But she didn’t have time because Kara would die, because Kara died for a moment on her arms on their way to the DEO, maybe that’s why she felt so guilty). She would not hesitate. She had to save Kara. 

And she would always save her. 

* * *

The feeling and odd of dying.

She didn’t remember it.

Feeling in danger, but not afraid. Maybe because she knew the girl of steel was on her way. (Flying as fast as she could because it was Lena who needed to be saved now). Or maybe because she was used to those assassination attempts. Too common, but, well, if you consider who she was, death is always a possibility. 

Then, there was this piercing pain through her chest. A moment that seemed to last forever before the dark. The scream, not hers. The pain. Falling and not hitting the floor, falling just to be held by arms of steel. The emptiness and the numbness and the loneliness, but there’s a small moment of peace. Her mind was already going away, so she didn’t hear Kara’s words, she could just see the shining blue eyes, the pain and fear on them. She hated herself for a moment, bleeding to death on your best friend arms, said the best friend who’s the last daughter of a dead planed, who have lost too much, who you never had the chance to say how much you loved, isn’t great. It’s paralysing. 

Maybe she could have said something, she had that last seconds before being drowning with her own blood, before the metallic taste take over her mouth. 

She can’t remember what happened before the shot, who did or what they told her. She heard they investigated, trying to find the murder. 

It was her human genes shining through this goddess facade. Curiosity. Need of knowing who pulled the trigger and why she had to die. It’s so human to be selfish like this. Wondering if it was better to stay alive like before, human and all, even if she has done so much more as a powerful being. 

The death thought kept running in her mind. The sound of the shot, if she concentrated enough, she could feel how the bullet passed through her flesh. Burning and destroying all the way until it came out on her back. It was a close shot, taking away any surviving chances, what they could have been.

And she still floating like an angel. 

Never touching the ground.

 


End file.
